We often assume medicine is for the physical ailments that befall us. We have aspirin to get rid of physical pain, surgery to fix broken bones, transplants to renew organs; yet, when it comes to our souls and emotions, we expect ourselves to just get over it. To really grow and to really heal, we must find ways to nourish and attend to our souls. Carmela, who owns a tea shop, finds herself called by the properties within tea to help her customers find solace and healing. She witnesses their suffering and helps them transform their pain into lessons in their life. Through Carmela's wisdom, we can learn how to find new ways of looking at our pain so that we can see how to grow and heal. Afternoon Delight: https://goo.gl/Pf7ogz The teas described in the book are available to drink: https://goo.gl/nCfa1K
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Throughout my life, I was always drawn to writing. I would spend all my free time writing stories and making up worlds in my heads. As I grew up, I turned to writing when there were things I just couldn't understand but had to come to terms with. Lately, my writing has been the main road into insights and learning more about who I am and the woman I am becoming. These journal entries are the places that I go to in order to continue learning about who I am. It surprises me how many times certain things come up, despite my feeling that I have worked through or grown from certain things. As I was rereading through my entries, I found several lessons that kept coming up, ideas like opening your heart, loving yourself, being a warrior, letting your soul soar. These are things that everyone desperately needs to be the best part of who they are. This book is not about how to change yourself to be a better person, but how to bring out the best of who you already are. Growing is not about changing who you are, but about healing the things that keep you from being being the best part of yourself. You are already whole. Your heart is warm and welcoming, your soul is alive and full of passion. You are wild and carefree and caring and lovable and strong and vulnerable and wise. Open Heart, Soaring Soul: A woman's guide to looking within is about opening into yourself, about letting your soul shine, and about seeing yourself as a whole lovable person. These are my wishes for you, for me, for the whole world. Open Heart, Soaring Soul now available: https://goo.gl/RGbd8Y There is no one true path, only the path you choose now. Like a tree has multiple branches, so does your life. Each decision you make creates a new branch in your life and you can’t go back, you can only move on. The danger comes when each branch untaken becomes a should have or could have which then goes lamented for the rest of your life. Instead of growing and continuing to create new branch, you keep hanging on becoming a knot or a not living. This breeds nothing but discontent. This does not breed growth. For growth to occur, you need to continue to make decisions to move your life forward. Now some decisions may not be the best for us, but we have already made them so the only path forward is to make new decisions. Ones that are hopefully better for you this time around. Ones that help you reach higher rather than the ones that hang downward, bringing down your process in the end. It is also important to keep growing, to keep reaching. The moment you stop trying to become a better person is the moment you truly die. Life is a continual renewal of who you are. Each branch keeps thinning out, you keep defining yourself. That definition may change or become obsolete. That is fine. It happens in the growth process. But you need to acknowledge and accept that instead of trying to keep being something you no longer are. It doesn't mean you lost yourself or that you failed or that you spent years being something that you are not. It simply means you're growing and you’re learning. You're defining yourself into something more than you were before. Be like a tree. Spread your branches. Define who you are. Never stop growing. As the new year rolls around, it is inevitable. People everywhere start talking about their resolutions. They look for things that they want to change and make a commitment to forgo their undesirable habits. Yet, somewhere along the way, these resolutions fall apart and people are not able to stick with them. Despite their good intentions, many people try to become what they want instead of really becoming what you are.
As Zootopia brilliantly said, “You can’t be what you want. You can only be what you are.” Now, that is not to say that you cannot change. The trick is to change in order to fit who you are rather than just becoming what you want. One of the saddest resolutions I hear so many people make every year is to lose weight. This is a classic example of trying to be what you want. In essence, by wanting to lose weight, individuals are wanting to be something they are not, which instills a deep sense of dissatisfaction within them. Instead, you can only be what you are. Each body is different so losing weight for one body is very different than another’s body. Trying to work out like crazy is not going to work for everyone, nor is extreme or fad dieting. Your body has specific needs that will allow it to function optimally. By devoting yourself to learning more about your body through work with physicians, acupuncturists, or nutritionists, you will learn to take care of the body that you have. Being what you are means taking responsibility for learning more about every aspect of yourself. However, this goes much deeper than just resolutions. We are a society who constantly judges others and bases our outlook of ourselves on how we compare to others. Yet, we don’t compare to others in any circumstance. There is no one who does things better than others, no moms who are better, no spouses who are better, no children who are better, no writers/musicians/artists/philosophers/etc. who are better. Does Alice Walker being a good writer deny Herman Hesse from being a good writer? No, they simply are both really good writers who challenge us to think about what we experience and believe rather than blindly accepting truths. So to, we should do this with our self-conceptions. Instead of desiring how to be like other people, we should be focusing on how we can be utilizing our facilities to our fullest capacities. Within us, we hold infinite possibilities; yet, we spend so much time looking outward at what others have rather than turning inward and nurturing our own possibilities. As long as we look outward, we will face struggles and obstacles because those things simply aren’t meant for us. This year, let’s spend more time on finding out what we are so that we can begin to manifest that into our lives. I love Halloween like none other. I love the scares, the decorations, the monsters, the candy, and the like. I like it all but the costumes. I never really liked dressing up or pretending to be something I'm not. Don't we spend our lives doing that? Trying to please others and trying to be something that we aren't? The modern costumes are far from the origin where people began wearing costumes to ward off evil spirits. Instead, people use costumes to hide who they are, much like they do on a daily basis. We became so used to these masks that we sometimes can't recognize what is mask and what is us. This Halloween, I encourage you to take off the masks that you wear and learn to be more genuine.
Take off your masks Take off the masks, the ones you hide behind, the ones you use to cripple yourself, the ones that please others, the ones that fuel judgment, the ones that keep you small. Take off the masks, the roles you think create the whole of you, the archetypes that control what part of you is seen, the nicknames that sums you up but misses the greatest part of you. Take off the masks, they are not who you are, they do not contain your multitudes, they will always fall short. Take off your masks and come as you are. Come as you are, full of anger, full of joy, full of discontent, full of yearning, full of desires, full of sadness, full of depth. Come as you are with all your questions, all your curiosity, all your fears, all your limits, all your beauty, come as you are, for you are enough. Learning not to put these masks on is so important for kids these days. Welcome to Spookyville is a book written for middle grade students, when they are at the biggest cross road with being themselves and putting on masks to become more likable, prettier, smarter, etc. Each child, each person is enough as they are. You can learn more about Spookyville here or buy it here. I never thought I would be attending conferences to present. I never thought I would publish a book. I never thought I would have an Etsy store. I never thought I would be good at kickboxing. Yet, my life has led me to discover that I can in fact do all of the above—all it took was a leap of faith and a whole lot of redefining. We often define ourselves by what we can and can’t do. Problem is, we typically decide that early on in life due to what we are told or what we deem scary. In the kickboxing class I attend, at least one person per class states that they can’t do a specific move, without even trying. After about 20 seconds with the teacher, the person went from doubting themselves to doing the punch/kick/jump kick/spinning back fist. The fact becomes that as soon as we say we can’t do something, we are defining ourselves in the negative. Most of the time, we do so without even trying or using false data to convince ourselves of this fact. However, most people will fail and will fail a lot. The people who fail and stop trying to get better are the ones who have defined who they are in the negative (for example, I had one bad relationship so I can’t function within a relationship). The people who fail and try again are the ones who are allowing the universe to slowly mold them into the person who can and will be successful. Now, it’s not bad to define yourself, but most often, people will use those definitions to limit or judge themselves. Aligning yourself with your greater purpose in life may mean that you have to face each one of those limitations and judgments that you have about yourself. For instance, I had to redefine myself as someone who loves to write but no one wants to read what was written to someone who can be published, from someone who drew childish things to one whose work is worth selling. Each limit we set for ourselves in an obstacle on our path, a roadblock on our journey. Redefining yourself means facing each one of those limits so that they can no longer block who or what you are. You are so much more than a collection of labels, cans and cannots, things, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. You are an undefinable thing because you can learn, you can push through any failures, you can change. You can, in essence, become all the things that you thought you could not. But, it does take a lot of work and you have to be willing to give up these old definitions and allow new ones to come forth. We are continually becoming new people, facing new challenges, changing our beliefs. All it takes is a bit of curiosity and compassion towards yourself. Maybe you’ll find out that you are more than you thought you were. **** Photo courtesy of MindBodyDefense. Learn more about kickboxing at http://www.mindbodydefensechicago.com/
Sometimes, you need to let go of things that are no longer serving you. Jon Snow in Game of Thrones reminds us just how difficult this situation could be. After he was brought back from the dead, Jon left his spot in the Night Watch, a lifetime commitment. Oftentimes, our past serves as the lifetime commitment of the Night Watch. We make a vow or take on a certain belief early on in our lives. We grow up, but we keep onto this same vow or belief that we had earlier. In effect, we never really change or adapt to our new selves.
In the midst of a transformation or rebirth, letting go of these beliefs is a must. Otherwise, we can really never grow up because our beliefs still belong to the younger versions of ourselves. Jon, who was literally given a second life, knew that he was no longer able to function in the same life that he had earlier. To stay in the Night Watch, he would have to negate his experience and be someone that he no longer was. Although he had made a commitment, he had to walk away in order to effect the change that he wanted to birth in the world. Like Jon, we are sometimes asked to give up something that we thought was a part of us, whether it is a persona, job, or belief. These things are no longer congruent with who we are becoming but a reminder of who we used to be. Being aware of these changes will allow us to live more mindfully and presently in life. If we are constantly trying to maintain who we are, we never get to experience the person we are becoming. When we notice this dissonance in our life, we have to channel our inner Jon Snow and be strong enough to say, "My watch has ended. I no longer need to live out of this old space and I give my permission to enter into this new place of who I am becoming." While I am not fond of New Year's resolutions, I do believe in applying yourself to make your dreams come true. Many times, these resolutions are forced and apply to what societal standards we should uphold instead of how we can be more genuine and live authentically. Therefore, resolutions become "I need to lose 20 pounds" versus "I want to treat my mind and body better." This year, I'm using the new year to be my canvas for living the life I want. All year, I aim to devote myself to nourishing myself by enjoying my gifts.
While I always enjoy creating things, I tend to leave them piled up in a dusty, dark corner instead of sharing them with the world. I have several novels, artwork, and jewelry that no one has seen because I discarded them right after I finished. This year, I will be pulling all my old work, dusting them off, and finding a home for them in the world. After all, I wrote, designed, and drew these works so that I can share myself and my thoughts with others. Join me this year as we celebrate the Year of Dreams! What are your dreams and how are you going to work towards them? For the past few months, I've been having a love/hate relationship with Chicago. I love the diversity, the beauty, the surrounding area, the parks, but I hate the busyness, the loudness, the flashiness of Chicago. I have been yearning for quiet, silence, softness. Growing up in New Mexico and coming to Chicago via Vermont, I have always been surrounded in a quiet that I had yet to find in Chicago.
Last night, while I was out avoiding rush hour, I slipped through the crowds of the very flashy and busy Kriskindlemart and rush hour foot traffic of State street to find myself at Millennium Park-a place I've always associated with tourists and way too many people in way too little space. Instead of being surrounded by busyness, I found myself embraced by silence, by quietness, by nothingness. I stood facing the Jay Pritzker stage and was astounded by the silent strength of the night. The kind that calms and soothes just by its mere presence. Even the Christmas decorations that tend to stick out blended into the quiet night. This silence reminded me that even a small pocket of quiet surrounded by loudness and busyness can make a difference. The chaos does not negate the silence but makes it more necessary to find a place of inner silence. In this silence, we are able to reset and find balance within ourselves instead of getting carried away with emotions or thoughts or obligations or expectations. Amidst the holiday buzz, it's easy to lose grounding, to give up your calmness, to be overwhelmed and overworked. I can't silence all of Chicago, but I can find silence within so that I can retain my inner grounding without becoming overwhelmed. Carving out a small space of time where you get to embrace silence will make all the difference this holiday season. This fall has been a difficult one on my friendships and relationships, giving me the opportunity to really grow and focus on what a relationship really entails and means. Often, we collect people as we go to school and work and visit different places and we call these people our friends. These days Facebook helps us keep track of friends who we knew 20 or so years back and no longer really know, but they remain called our friends because Facebook says so, literally. As such, we really do not give thought on what a friend means or what a relationship should be.
To help me focus my intention on learning more about relationships, I used the Zen Meditation Cards (available at my Etsy Store: LuminousHeartGifts at https://www.etsy.com/listing/237778915/zen-meditation-cards?ref=shop_home_active_1) in order to see what my intuition needed to learn. I pulled three cards: Honor, Pride, and Joy. Now, none of these were immediately the words that I would use regarding relationships, so I had a LOT to learn. Honor: Relationships are meant to honor both individuals in the relationship. Too often one person gets more attention or more leeway in the relationship and then it begins to be a hierarchy rather than a relationship. Honoring the other person (and the relationship itself!) needs to be a conscious effort on each person’s part. When I don’t feel honored, I begin to get lonely and my fears about not being able to connect with people rear up. This is a sign for me to really look at where I don’t feel honored and how I would like to be honored. For me, that means having my gifts recognized, enjoyed, and celebrated. While these are things I need to do for myself first, I also need those who I interact with to honor those as well. Pride: Whew, this is a hard word for me to even connect with. Pride is often just connected with how one feels about oneself, but it can also mean enjoying and being satisfied about something that you feel is a reflection of you. Looking at it that way, a relationship should be a reflection of both individuals inside of it. When you think about a relationship, it should make you warm and welcome instead of cold or tense. There are some relationships that I continued to engage in even though I did not feel listened to or my body grew tense when I thought of that relationship. These things could and should be addressed in a relationship where both or honoring themselves and each other, but if these things are brought up and not listened to, this relationship doesn’t have a lot of pride. Joy: Every relationship needs joy in it. Joy in the other person, joy spending time with the other person, joy doing mutually enjoyed activities (notice that enjoy even has the word joy in it!). If you enjoy spending time with that person, then you get energy from the interaction. If that interaction takes more energy or leaves you feeling at a loss, then there is likely little joy in it. I noticed lately that I spent a lot of energy into getting ready for interactions and when I was in them, I felt deflated. I am typically a joyful, laughing, smiling person, but these past few weeks have left me feeling heavy and lifeless because I was not receiving a lot of joy in the relationships that I was in. Once I addressed this headfirst, I immediately felt lighter and the person I was with opened up and we had a nice little laughing fit. It left me feeling much more connected and intimate than earlier interactions that always had such a serious tone to them. Relationships are unstable and chaotic entities. They are constantly changing, demanding that we change with them. If one or the other becomes complacent or relies on the relationship, then the work of honoring, taking pride in, and having joy in the relationship are not happening. These three are integral to engaging in a fully alive and healthy relationship. If you feel like a relationship is starting to feel stagnant, look into which of these things the relationship is missing and how it can be restored. |
AuthorI am a creator and love sharing my work with the world. I own an Etsy store: https://www.etsy.com/shop/LuminousHeartGifts Archives
May 2017
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